IFS and creative explorations - what to do when you’re between sessions or without a therapist!
This talk assumes some IFS knowledge. Please do familiarise yourself with the model, the 6 Fs and some helpful questions to ask your parts! I’ve included some of these below. This helps contain and hold this important inner work IFS is very powerful and the container is important
In this video, I talk about some dilemmas (do I need to be in Self? What to do with Exiles?), the importance of connection (maybe find a buddy! Connect into collective Self Energy?) and intuition, finding anchors to support you .. and then I’ll invite you to choose what works for you from a buffet of different creative ways to work with protective parts. Many of these are IFS informed but also I bring in other modalities like Polyvagal Theory, constellations, inner child work, Tara Brach’s RAIN etc. Take what you like and leave the rest.
pS I entirely forgot to say there are some good IFS meditations on Insight Timer and YouTube.
The 6Fs: The Steps We Use to Help Protective Parts Differentiate from the Self
(taken from an article by PESI)
The first three steps (find, focus, flesh out) involve helping parts to unblend.
FIND the part in, on or around the body.
Who needs your attention right now?
Where do you notice it?
FOCUS on it.
Turn your attention inside.
FLESH it out.
Can you see it? If so, how does it look?
If not, how do you experience it? What is that like?
How close are you to it?
How do you FEEL toward the part?
This question is our Geiger Counter for Self-energy. Any answer that is not in the ballpark of the 8 C’s (The qualities of Self-energy: Curiosity, calm, clarity, connectedness, confidence, courage, creativity and compassion) means that a second part is influencing our thoughts. We ask this second part if it is willing to relax so we can talk to the target part. “If it is not willing to relax,” we ask it what it needs us to know. This process may lead us to a second (or third, fourth…) target part.
Reactive parts often need to feel heard and validated. We stay with them until they are willing to let us get to know the target part.
Once they agree, we ask the client, “How do you feel toward the (target) part now?”
BeFRIEND the part by finding out more about it.
The fifth step involves learning about the target part and developing a friendly relationship. This builds relationships internally (Self to part) and externally (part to therapist). “How did it get this job?” “How effective is the job?” “If it didn’t have to do this job, what would it rather do?” “How old is it?” “How old does it think you are?” “What else does it want you to know?”
What does this part FEAR?
“What does it want for you?”
“What would happen if it stopped doing this job?”
This key question will reveal any lurking polarization.
“If I stop feeling anxious, I’m afraid the suicidal part will take over.” Or it will reveal the exile it protects.
“If I stop feeling anxious I’m afraid Jane will feel all alone and worthless.”
Use this simple exercise to help you understand and work with your internal parts to begin the deep healing process
Other useful questions to ask protecting parts
What is its role, and how does it help you manage your life?
What is its relationship with other people?
What positive intent does it have for you?
How does it try to protect you?
What is it trying to protect you from?
is it happy with its job? Or would it prefer something else?
How old is it? How old does it think you are? Can you update it?
can it show you the scene it first came in?
Specifically for managers:
What would you like me to know about you?
How often are you around? What kinds of things do you say?
Are there parts of my body where you hang out?
What is your hope for me? What’s your intention?
What is your job? How are you trying to help me?
How long have you been doing this for me? When did you first come in, can you show me the scene? How old are you/how old was I? How old do you think I am now? Can I catch you up?
Do you like your job? Do you think you just have to do it?
What are you concerned would happen if you didn’t do this job? What are your fears for me?
Is there something else you’d rather be doing?
How are you feeling? Do you ever get to rest? Do you feel appreciated?
Is there anything else you’d like me to know about you right now?
Questions for Firefighters:
What would you like me to know about you?
Do other parts give you a hard time? Other people?
How are you trying to help?
What are you reacting to that makes you feel so urgent about this?
It seems very important that you respond in this extreme way. Can you say more about this?
What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t do this?
When did you take on this job? What was going on back then? Can you show me the scene? How old was I/how old are you?
What might have happened then if you hadn’t taken charge?
How old do you think I am?
What else would you like me to understand about you?
How do you feel about this job? What has it cost you?
Are you protecting more than one part, or even the whole system?
If it were possible to take care of the vulnerability you’re reacting to so it wasn’t so vulnerable, would you want that?
Is there anything you’d prefer to do instead, if things felt really safe inside?
Please do end by Thanking the part for what it shared and the ways it has tried to help