I wonder what Gatekeepers mean for you? Some one in the IFS Drop In brainstorming session asked me to go explore what Gatekeeper parts are… so here we are. And ‘spolier alert’ there’s not much written in the IFS literature etc and in discussions in the Drop In there has been a real richness of what Gatekeepers mean to each person. I’m really curious.

You’ll find my several pages of notes below.. and embedded here from youtube is a video of the talk I gave about Gatekeeping at the end April 2024 to the Saturday group. I’ve video edited myself, with much gratitude to the starting me off tuition by Michele Calverley of www.photogenic2020.com

Gatekeepers for me, bring to mind knights in armour.. at the castle keep… and behind them, and if you’ve managed to get past, you might then meet the guards at the door … whom might or might not let one through to the court. Some would be let through with warmth, others would be stopped and turned away. I also envision in more modern times the Receptionist/PA who filters mail, phonecalls - who determines who has access to the decision makers, controlling who is allowed through and who is stopped…limiting interruptions and problems. Keeping boundaries or putting up barriers… allowing the good through... filtering some information, blocking other viewpoints. Families keeping the children safe, allowing friends through, stopping those they feel are threats… still sometimes the case, according to family / culture.. a man would have to ask the family gatekeeper aka the father, for a woman’s hand in marriage.

And my favourite … do you know there’s a Gatekeeper butterfly? Isn’t it gorgeous?

I looked up a definition in the dictionary. Translating the dictionary into IFS terms for these notes.. what came clear…

they are, perhaps, parts that control access to other parts, or to our actions, or our vulnerabilities…

I had a look round the IFS literature and podcasts. Not much at all around gatekeepers specifically… but may podcasts about challenging, extreme, or hierarchies of protectors. Ones I recommend : Mike Elkin - ‘suspicious and stubborn and dangerous parts’, https://internalfamilysystems.pt/multimedia/webinars/working-suspicious-stubborn-and-dangerous-parts-talk-mike-elkin and befriending extreme protectors https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGKwJ5NhjNk Chris Burris on ‘4 types of challenging protectors’ great talk on IFS talks, https://internalfamilysystems.pt/multimedia/webinars/four-types-challenging-protectors-chris-burris also well worth a listen is practitioner, Christine Dixon’s Ordinary Sacred… her videos are so informative. https://www.theordinarysacred.com/ Then a curve ball… In some of the literature Exiles are seen as the ‘gatekeepers to our hidden memories’ which is also an important consideration! In this particular talk I’m focusing on the protectors.

So, are gatekeepers ALL protective parts? Don’t all Managers and Firefighters gatekeep vulnerability? Looking after us … before we can feel vulnerable… or come in at the merest whiff of vulnerability!

Are they the classic ‘defense mechanisms’ of therapeutic modalities? Ok they might be… what say you?

I had the idea… Maybe gatekeepers could be the ones that work on a nervous system level… The unconscious reactors… The ones that get us into Fight, or Flight, Freeze, Feign/Fawn. or Flop? Are these your gatekeepers? https://www.stroudtherapy.com/news/polyvagalandifs

So I continued to explore, looking through some IFS lenses. I like Martha Sweezy’s shame cycle – are the Gatekeepers for you the parts that don’t let you see the vulnerable burdened children behind the curtain? Inner Critic and Anticipatory Scouts, the pleasure/take you out team, Warrior mutiny - Parts that blame others or fight…as a distraction to keep the vulnerability at bay? (I love her book, IFS Shame and Guilt, I highly recommend it… we did a topic at the Drop In looking at the shame cycle, here it is if you’d like to read/watch/listen: https://www.stroudtherapy.com/news/shameifs The following diagram is one I sketched and Made Wirawan chrystalised for me.

So. in discussion with folk, in my own system and with my clients I realise that we’re exploring this.. this is like a first ideas paper, where we each look inside and see whats the situation in each of us. maybe you can take what you like of this and leave the other ideas… I’m not an expert here… bringing it to you for discussion and a curiosity of whats happening in your inner world. Ask inside ask inside… what is going on for you is different to what’s going on for me, most likely!

I see Gatekeepers in me are those specific parts that have as their main aim as stopping me doing something… not doing the thing… shutting me down, stopping me doing that job. They have a clear filtering, defensive role, not trusting others, or that me, Self, can lead the system. When they feel safe enough, they can then filter some knowledge, situations, sensations, thoughts etc through. But they are excellent as a first, second or even third line of defense. They believe they have to manage situations in my life. They don’t trust my Self to do it. Parts at some point, probably very young, lost trust in Self’s ability to protect the system and came to believe they had to do it.

What I’ve realised, is that there seems to be a hierarchy of Gatekeepers in my system… for example, I’ve got one so deep that is with me all the time… My Gatekeeper! This one is so unconscious… I’ve got to know her… she stops me breathing deeply, really it’s hard to see me breathe… she was there initially in response to my mum’s pretty excessive drinking and activated parts when I was in her belly. Every body worker and therapist I’ve been with reminds me I don’t breathe in the way we’re designed to do. This one has got great intentions, defends against intrusion, impingement… she’s concerned I’ll feel emotions, vulnerability, shock. Her impact has been considerable on my life and shes always around and I’m getting to know her and those she protects. Just a little behind this one… is a Hypervigilant gatekeeper? my one forestalls negative surprises make sure we don’t get hurt and don’t fail… make sure we’re not oblivious, naïve or innocent… generally anticipatory, physical, hard to ignore, alarmed about imaginary catastrophes and full of warnings… no way will we ever be vulnerable, shocked, powerless again checks everything out before she allows other parts to go forward…

I’d like to speak about types of parts and polarisations a bit. We looked at polarisations previously: https://www.stroudtherapy.com/news/internalpolarisations

Here’s Cece Sykes Triangle adapted a lot by me to represent gatekeeper parts (she brought the upside down triangle including managers, firefighters as protectors at the top, and exiles ‘below the line’ at the bottom:

Managers often bring us to therapy, to a relationship, answering a job advert, tell us we need to leave the house… what then filters that, maybe stops the process, puts up the drawbridge. protects the system from change, from doing whatever it is? Some of us (does it depend when/who with… what happens to you?) Have a Manager to Manager polarisation – for e.g. part wants to do something, then I have some hardworking Gatekeeping managers who stops it… For me… the hypervigilant part, My amazing thinking intellectual, analytical… sceptical parts – (for example they said to me that IFS promises to seem impossible … too good to be true. Working with exiles… that’s way too woo woo – those Shamanic rituals, transmuting difficult feelings into air, water, fire, earth… really?… so off I went and researched… they’re now happy to let me through to the next level, going deeper. But what an amazing job they did of gatekeeping so i wouldn’t go somewhere that’s not safe).. I have parts that won’t let me take any risks with my vulnerable ones, without looking for everything that might be unsafe So just to reiterate too…. maybe some gatekeeper parts work together in hierarchies or teams? Keeping people out or keeping me in? keeping the boundaries.. Keeping me from seeing other’s pain, or how I hurt others… My perpetrating warrior parts… keeping the shame out. Someone in the drop in suggested that there are parts that even gatekeep information and memories … exiles yes but also protectors. What say you? Asking inside who has a particular gate keeper role? Maybe they’ll all reply? Or maybe some have that specific intent to filter, stop, not allow distractions. Are there parts for you that are in a hierarchy (like passing thru the different gates of a castle) or hide other parts from view, maybe some that stop you doing something at a whiff of vulnerability (so in polarisation).

(A little confusing maybe, but some parts can also be either managers or firefighters… a way of life, looking out for the future… or in reaction. So dissociation can be either for example. Check in your system? Traditionally parts that like to drink are considered firefighters… but if they are planning drinking… surely a manager?) So what about in your system… are your gatekeepers one or the other, or do they switch sometimes? Please don’t get too concerned, they’re all protectors, its the sort of thing some parts of me get hung up on!

- now we move one to the Reactive Firefighting gatekeeper … is this familiar? one part might bring you to therapy or phone someone up… only to have a Gatekeeper come in before you get to the door to go out, or arrive… dissociate… shut down …freeze… tell you you’re not going out or going there…on the other side of Cece’s triangle… it may be you have a Manager Vs Gatekeeping Firefighter. So, these are like an overactive fire alarm, tiniest hint of vulnerability a feeling. traumatic material. You might be in a difficult conversation…. Super speedy shut down.

I wonder if Procrastinating parts are Gatekeepers, what do you think?… one part wants to do it.. another doesn’t .. often one is very busy, another just wants to relax, chill. It may be a passive part who’s angry at being told what to do.

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I want to add in here about those of us who are neurodivergent and/or who have super impulsive parts… sort of anti-gatekeeper parts or traits. I can be hyper focused and monotropic and just sometimes crash in and do whatever it is without taking others into consideration, meeting my body needs, no planning etc. My gatekeeping parts are trodden on, pushed away. There’s also the neurodivergent thing of sometimes we actually can’t do that thing, even if our parent/partner wants us to, particularly with demand avoidance… even that what I was going to do, now you’ve asked me … … can’t now do it! I’m not 100% but that’s a trait rather than a part? I don’t know check in and see.

On the other hand monotropism maybe is a supercharged gatekeeper who keeps so hyperfocused that all distractions are ignored, the rest of the system is kept so safe!

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Whats next? How do we spend time with these hardworking gatekeeping protectors? Work with them so we can harmonise our inner orchestras, we need all these parts… and invite parts to notice that we can be there too, with the conductors baton, to help everyone flow beautifully together.

As aways…. Unblending unblending unblending. Getting to know the part. how do they turn up for you? A voice? Can you see them? Feel them in your body? Impulse to fight, flee, people please, freeze, flop?

Focus, Flesh it out, how do you feel towards it (let it know or ask a part that isn’t so keen to relax, come and join us), Befriend it: Maybe you can ask them about themselves… When do you show up? In what sort of situations? Ah ok .. what are your hopes? Lots of space, appreciation, curiosity and negotiation… What are your concerns? what are your fears? Maybe they can show you who they protect, who they are working alongside, whether they are in their own team. Maybe have a go at mapping them?

Chris Burris reminds us to always appreciate their intention to protect… they all make sense in context in which they were formed. See that at some point that protector made sense. Protectors invariably energise and attract that which they protect against - what they want to happen they cannot make happen. only Self can do that. We can offer hope There is a safe space, the eye in the storm YOU … invite them to see you at the age you are, go back and forth, how do you feel towards me, who do you see… your psyche has space for this part and the little one and the others too. Your protectors only see the protectors of others, Self can see the pain behind clarity x ray vision We’re not diving into exile work here in this group, but when we know of the vulnerability behind these gatekeepers, we can offer to help unburden the pain keeping the protectors working so hard.

Finally a personal word about sceptical parts Sceptical parts are very welcome in IFS. how heroic are they, keeping us safe…I mentioned my sceptical ones above who were very sceptical about IFS and have insisted I spend much time reading, listening and researching before they’d let me go deeper into the somatics, trusting the process etc.. this comment by Martha Sweezy held true in my system: ‘in our experience once sceptical parts believe their safety concerns can be effectively addressed, they are usually willing to try something new. We ask wary protectors to think of therapy as a laboratory experiment. They don’t have to believe anything we say about internal resources, but you have to meet the Self to find out if we’re telling the truth.’ This has been my experience. The theory stacked up for me, my parts couldn’t find loopholes even though they did a lot of reading, discussing, arguing.. lots of supervision too! And then once I managed to unblend enough, found my authentic Self, just as Martha suggested, the rest of IFS came in a more of a flow, and my sceptical parts could allow for Self to meet with the vulnerable ones, and help them unburden and bringing them out of the past…Each tine we did it, it worked. My system felt better. We titrated, we tried mini experiments. 2 minutes. 10 minutes. 5 grains of sand. So Martha Sweezy suggested. Don’t take my word for it though. Your sceptical parts are welcome and questions, experiments too..