"How you define a problem limits its solutions." (Mike Elkin, in his seminar with Ann Sinko on Anxiety and Depression) if we define something as depression or anxiety, now we've limited it. Its reduced it to a problem… and maybe a thing to try and fix and get rid of. It also makes it too simple – we’re all different and one persons anxiety may be very different to someone elses… same with depression, totally different basis, motives… you just can’t know until you’ve explored it.

Most mental health problems have both psychological and biological components which will vary according to the person.. IFS makes it infinitely more workable to see these experiences of anxiety and depression in the whole as coping mechanisms of parts, either inherited or in the present day. Or parts using biological vulnerabilities as levers, to gain influence (Frank Anderson).

1. purely biological, your particular neurotype, or the result of a physical trauma.

2. linked in… may be inherited: a biological vulnerability or a legacy burden

3. it may be the sadness or fear of exiles trying to get our attention

4. and/or the system - protective parts – anxiously trying to keep them exiled

5. Or protector parts in polarisation using this to take us up or down, or protecting from another protector a layer down

6. It might not be depression at all but instead grief

Internal Family Systems – a simple model

IFS invites you to get curious and ask how these parts work in YOUR system, If we ask we can tease out the portion that is produced by motivated parts and the portion that is rooted in biology. Assumptions and generalizations may be wrong, we rely on questions.

To find out who is doing what to whom and for what reason we must ask.

IFS is a very simple model. It has the same answer to every problem.

get the parts that are expressing themselves in a burdened way, in touch with Self.

And so we turn towards these protective parts, or these exiles… this grief.. befriend… be there with. If it’s a protector part its going to have so many good intentions for you, lets sit and drink tea with these parts and the parts that don’t like them. Who knows what we will find out… our rational minds don’t have the answers!

Start with the 6 Fs… find, focus.. get to know by asking questions ‘flesh out’ and befriend, find out its hopes and fears… HOW DO I FEEL TOWARDS? creating a SELF to PART connection. ASK INSIDE We can only really get the picture by meeting parts with curiosity and friendliness. Breathing with, lots of space and time. Letting them know you’re here, they’re not alone. Getting those parts round the table, meeting with Self and each other. One by one patiently finding out hopes and fears. So often these protective parts are stuck in polarisation with each other and can’t move. We can offer something different. We offer them a way of getting off their increasingly stuck positions and trying something different There’s some hope.

(i’ve put together a parts mapping starter pack which might be helpful to you, you can pick one up at the Drop In or download and print out from my website… £4… it contains the 6 Fs, several ‘round table’ parts map, body map, shame cycle, fire drill etc) https://www.stroudtherapy.com/store/p/parts-mapping-workbook

Self energy and unblending is the lynchpin for everything anxiety and depression related. Restoring Self leadership and trust in the responsible adult, the you that’s not a part.. When there is a competent adult in room everyone calms down

IFS has the belief that we all have the resource inside that helps us relax and heal .

Just to say I love this book, newly out by Seth Kopald… if you’d like more about being Self Led… I highly recommend it!

A few things to check for!

Checking for jobs! Are they protectors or exiles … or is it biology? Maybe you can be curious – does this part work for you in some way? Is it a protector? Often you’ll hear, sense or see what this part is hoping to do for you. Or it tells you no, its hurting…

BUT… Sometimes there are no answers … What if we ask and there’s no response? (Joanne Twombly reminds us to turn up and say hi, that parts take time to respond sometimes.)

Maybe it’s a young exile and it may take time to speak – some don’t speak and are preverbal or inutero I recommend documentary Inutero https://www.inuterofilm.com/ with Gabor Mate and others. Again sitting with, breathing with. Space and patience, maybe there’ll be sensations/flickers.

Blocking protector parts - Sometimes there’s parts that protect with numbing or nothing or doors or fog etc. Maybe you might extend curiousity and sit? Invite any parts in the way to come and join you

Biological? My brainwaves generally run really fast! In my neurofeedback I’m way out of whatever ‘normal’ is.. which leads me to think fast, be excited about life… or as was the case most of my life, feel incredibly anxious. Others brainwaves naturally run with the more chilled theta waves, which allow much more dreaminess and calm – but can be prone to depression.

Also.. do you get particularly anxious in the morning? Many of us do, and I’ve been told it’s felt particularly by trauma survivors. This is an influx of cortisol first thing Here’s an article I just googled (there are many!) https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/22187-cortisol So it may be helpful to tell everyone inside about this, before you go to bed, or when it’s felt .. so it isn’t so shocking for your system? I find no coffee for a while after waking helps

Also… If you often speak with parts, and yet in this instance theres silence it may be biological.

Check for polarisations I wonder if you might find that your parts holding anxiety and ones that depress may be in a state of Polarization?

Check and see… if I am depressed, there's a part of me that hates my depression. If I'm anxious there's a part of me that hates my anxiety?

Some are focused anxiously trying to control or avoid the other. If you remember, from our drop in in November…https://www.stroudtherapy.com/news/internalpolarisations we can have any combo of polarisations, the classic one we talk about is manager vs firefighter... but we could have a manager who wants us out in the world, to get external recognition and another manager who wants us to hide, fit in, be smaller. An exile being sad and low polarising with one that wants to reach out… firefighters that want to shout at someone and others that want to run…. How much anxiety will that create in that fight? We might do one for a while and then the other..

Check for layers too Parts protect other parts sometimes… there may be a hierarchy or a couple of layers… parts that drinks to excess for example may be protecting a part behind that one for example, for example a suicidal part. These parts all have good intentions we just don’t know what they are yet.

the view in IFS that its rarely just one part, Ann Sinko, Martha Sweezy, Mike Elkin et al believe it's always groups of parts

So firstly THE INTERNAL SYSTEM its a belief many therapeutic models that our systems move towards healing like any oppressed group, these feeling ones.. the exiles want to break out of their painful prisons. And so they're looking for escape, as Osnat Arbel says … come over the line. So this is one of the energies that's in the system that the protectors (both proactive and reactive) are fighting against.. there's always a sense of anxiety when you have prisoners trying to escape… Which in turn makes the system anxious

And another often systemic thing… often protectors get the exact opposite of what they intend… so they might be trying to keep us from feeling one thing – but the results can be the opposite.

Check for the inherited portion?

Lets first see whats inherited and whats yours. Again ASK!

Legacy and genetics.. I refer you to the topic last year April https://www.stroudtherapy.com/news/workingwithlegacyburdens Fascinating re epigenetics and legacy. IFS has a few ways of working with inherited burdens, either transforming them – or healing whole lines of family..

Ann Sinko: Legacy burdens are belief systems, emotions, coping mechanisms, memories and energies of our ancestors that get passed down through the generational line. So asking you here and now… do you have something that you've struggled with your entire life - you want to start thinking in terms of a legacy burden…. do you have symptoms that don’t fit your history. "This level of depression doesn't make sense to me," or, "My life is good. I have all these things in order, and I just don't know why I have this much anxiety." Or , who else in the family has the same symptoms? You might consider doing a genogram.

Does this energy belong to you and you alone?" Ask inside. Ask the parts, "When did you take on this burden?" If the answer is, "Always," Do they know where it came from, which line? Can they give you any information?

Once a legacy burden has been identified, you want to find out what percentage is inherited. So, if you'd like to try something, we're going to do this is a technique by Michi Rose.

Pick up your piece of paper and draw a circle. - You might want to use your non-dominant hand and please let your hand answer.. Draw the piece of pie in the circle of the amount of this thing you've struggled with that your whole life … how much of this is mine and how much has been inherited from previous generations or from culture. Let’s see… who here has found that over 50% is inherited?. Not your own? So often the case. How is that for you? That much of your anxiety, your depression, fear, shame etc… its actually not yours?

I’m wondering if it might be interesting now to see anxiety and depression from two more perspectives Energetically….and in relation to shame using Martha Sweezy’s Shame cycle.

So ENERGETICALLY

Where is your “home from home” (this also relates to your biology/neurotype) and maybe it might be helpful to observe protectors and exiles from an energetic perspective

(in December we brought together IFS and polyvagal theory… looking at IFS and our nervous system. For a lot more information see the topic of last march – IFS and Polyvagal - https://www.stroudtherapy.com/news/polyvagalandifs where I’ve synthesised some of the IFS community and particularly Deb Dana )

Please don’t take my word for this… check inside A moment here to check in… an invitation to feel… maybe a 2/10… allow yourself to feel a little activated for a moment. Imagine being in a busy train station maybe?

SYMPATHETIC: Anxiety … sympathetic activation.

When you’re sympathetically activated and not feeling safe … anxiety … feelings of nervousness, worry or dread. … Now imagine you’ve bumped into a lovely friend …. when you’re feeling safe, sympathetic activation…its excitement!

DORSAL …. Imagining yourself now to blend a moment with a time when you were feeling low…. Again please a 2/10… feeling of depressed feelings… collapse, sadness, hopelessness and reduced energy. Check this out, is that how it is in your system? Now move to regulated dorsal… when you’re choosing deep rest, rejuvenation. How’s that feel?

And now… an invitation… Come back up the polyvagal ladder if that’s ok.. to VENTRAL VAGAL feel into calm, compassion, presence, curiosity, flow..

So it might be helpful to observe our exiles and protectors energetically:

So ‘exiles’ – some of these energetically want to hide, they feel low, despairing, hopeless helpless… these feeling ones … they feel shameful, they want to hide… does this chime for you?

but others have a different energy… they feel fearful, terrified, needy and anxiously calling for your attention. Familiar?

+++++++

then.. some anxious protectors keep the energy high and may keep us up. Check inside… what keeps you up? I have hypervigilant – on the look out for attacks, gives me dire warnings to help keep me safe, keep us anxious, taking risks, I’ve found out so exiles don’t get seen, hidden.. They might get us to do videos and get up on stage, put stuff on social media, keep us busy, controlling, conflict. Drugs that take us up, affairs… excitement… or anxiety? Keep asking inside… this particular part you’re noticing… you’ve found it, turned towards it… whats it trying to do? What are its hopes and fears?

Some protectors depress… Again ask inside. What’s your story? Depression may be a coping mechanism of a part or group of our parts that believe that taking all the energy out of the system is a way to protect you. When we anesthetize ourselves when we're depressed and have sort of put a fuzzy blanket between us and the rest of the world, we have no real capacity to experience joy or to experience beauty. But we have, also, a diminished capacity to experience pain, and that trade off is maybe acceptable to the parts that use it.,

a protector who amplifies symptoms of depression to make us stay home and avoid taking risks to make ourselves smaller, numb-er… so we don’t shine, or go out and take risks, which might lead us to be ‘seen’… make mistakes, get criticised and then feel shame. Or one who immobilizes the body to hobble an angry part or a suicide part. We also might have firefighters that intentionally keep us low, like Valium, dope, dissociation for example.

So here’s the biggie… It’s the view of many that SHAME is at the centre of this..

Its very much the view of Martha Sweezy, Ann Sinko and Mike Elkin that shame is at the centre of anxiety and depression. Martha Sweezy Anxiety often gets generated by the fear that our shame will be witnessed, so maybe we should say that anxiety is the fear of shame being seen.

If you really get to know the parts inside you, you might find they are deep down focused on keeping that feeling of shame so hidden, cut off… but as we know, protectors don’t get what they hope for and the system is always moving towards healing so those exiles will always be looking out for you to come get them. Is this true for you? Don’t take my word for it… the invitation is for you to ask inside you.

(Martha Sweezy speculates that IFS is effective with a broad swath of psychic suffering because self-compassion, which is the centerpiece of IFS, is mutually exclusive with self-shaming, and shame has a seminal role in a wide variety of symptoms, including depression and anxiety).

I’m going to use Martha’s Shame cycle in 6 acts

ACTS 1&2 If shaming hits a vulnerability in the recipient, especially a child, it stands a good chance of becoming an identity burden, a belief about one's personal worthlessness and unlovability. This state of being produces anxiety all around the recipient's internal system. The exile longs to be loved, its belief its worthless (depressed feelings) and fears being rejected (anxious feelings). They long for redemption.. Does this chime in your system?

ACT 3 Continuous-improvement inner critics are anxious to upgrade shameful qualities. So they relentlessly criticise us internally and try to improve us by shaming. They are anxious that the shamefulness underneath will be seen so they call us names to motivate us. But that makes us feel so low and bad about ourselves… or unbearably anxious … or a combo… what happens to you?

ACT 4 Anticipatory scouts also fear the shamefulness underneath, they don’t want to let us ever feel that shamefulness again, or for our shame to be seen and so they plot to avoid the exile's exposure to more shaming both externally and internally… but of course being perfect, or caretaking others… either makes the person smaller, more of a hologram, often ‘de-press’ us … which likely creates more shameful feelings. Or gets us to be more out there so we’re not shamed for being shy, like we once were for example…

ACT 5 Reactive firefighter parts pinch hit for each other, blaming the other – its not me its you – deflecting the shamefulness underneath – so anxious not for the shame to be seen (particularly if the ‘other’ has shamed them) but of course this often invites others to react back with shaming – depression or anxiety here?

ACT 6 These hardworking firefighters counteract the exile's anxious longings by self-soothing with substances, food, sex, dissociation, TV, meditation of the "spiritual bypass" variety (in which a protective part dissociates), online surfing, extreme exercising, and so on. So the shamefulness isn’t exposed, its squashed down. Some bring us up and others down..

Medication obviously this is a major topic but of particular interest to many so I wanted to pop it in. So Frank Anderson has much to say about this. Synthesising it … if you’re thinking of medication please have a meeting with your parts and hear what they have to say. It may be that one part wants another part to disappear, and that part might be trying to look after you in some way. Having Self there to listen, befriend and consciously make choices is really important. Asking, anyone else inside have any views? I have no agenda here, take or don’t take. protectors may be protecting from another layer of parts, so depression might be actually protecting a suicidal part for example Medication may be really helpful for some people to take the edge off the extremety of anxiety or depression so there’s the possibility of meeting with parts and working with them.

FINALLY

I wanted to say a bit about …Grief .. parts around the issue of grief because they present very, very closely to depression. there's always a constellation of parts when we're talking about grief.

the whole business of therapy is about loss/grief, not having the parents or childhood we needed, how expectations haven’t gone as we hoped. We might not have the community around us we are biologically geared for. We have a climate emergency and that weighs heavily.

If you’re like me and grew up with a lot of shaming and shamefulness, we couldn't talk about loss/grief and we couldn't get support about it, so it needed to be repressed.

So, our exiles end up handling and holding all of our grief around our losses. They get more and more layered.

Managers hold it at bay the parts that might tell you what's making it sad or what it's currently suffering with loss, it's usually not depression.

Please know that grief is a normal, natural process that we need to go through. As we do our work, and find in the present we have a loss and all of a sudden, we're feeling this pileup of losses from our lifetime—things that haven't been fully resolved. This is normal. Golden trailheads…

I highly recommend Ann Sinko’s work around grief.. and her beautiful exploration of Frances Weller’s beautiful insightful book and the five gates of grief we go through. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_T9yNCPZIFQ